ABC... The inevitable is happening. Day 1.

I have had this particular blog for nearly two months now, and I have only lost approximately a stone. So I'm going to start ABC as of today:

Ana Boot Camp

1: 500 calories 12.12.2009.
2: 500 calories
3:300 calories
4:400 calories
5: 100 calories
6: 200 calories
7: 300 calories
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: fast
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800
32: fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories
36: fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: fast

If I stick to this then I project a 30lb weight loss, yayy :D

So I'm going to leave for work in about 25minutes, and today my maximum allowance is 500 calories. Going to my nan's tonight and she'll definately have cooked something, so I won't eat whilst at work to make sure that I don't go over this. 

Start weight at ABC: 133lbs.  Can't believe I let myself get so heavy after becoming so close to breaking the 120s :(

Well good luck ladies, feel free anybody to join me. And followers... Wow! 18 followers..! That means so much to me, thanks guys :)

Remember: Twigs Can Fly!

Hazel.

Thinspiration.

Been saving pictures I've come across and liked for a while now. So uh, here you go.

Been saving pictures I've come across and liked for a while now. So uh, here you go.

The epitamy of shit days.

I binged. I let my *boyfriend* fool around with me even though it's not what I wanted. I binged some more. I'm feeling horribley guilty because T says he misses me, and I know I miss him back. I feel like a failure because today I have lost all control.

What a fat cow.

Heart Palpatations :(

Yesterday night I got the biggest shock of my life when my heart started skipping beats, and switching between racing and slowing right down. I was dizzy, I had the shakes. It scared the shit out of me. Today I had them on and off aswell. Hated it. My mum tried to pin it on my weight loss, but I was like HAHAHAHA NO. I've weighed less and been absolutely fine, so honestly I think it's stress.

Still at 132, had a slightly crap day of eating today though. Dad got some money from his dodgy dealings today and decided to take my sister and I out for dinner to TGIs. Ouch. I had half of a rack of ribs with a portion of chips and onion rings. Say pig anybody? And yes that means that I've broken slimmers lent already :( I feel shit for it. I need to think up a suitable punishment - something to stop me reverting back to self harm, I'm in that sort of mood :(

I'm still thinking about what to do about my so called "boyfriend", especially in regards to T. I've made my decision about the boyfriend, I want to break up with him... But I have no idea how :(   I'm seeing T on sunday, we're just going to watch a movie at his. We had a conversation about my boyfriend yesterday and he asked me a question which really hit home:

T: I'm gonna ask you something, and I want you to be completely honest.

Me: Okay... What's up?

T: Are you afraid of your boyfriend?

Me: ...

Me: Yes :(

T: I don't care if you end up with me or not, but I just want you to remember this - you shouldn't be with a guy that you're so afraid of.

It was like ARGH ETGNVSDGBN. Cause I know he's right :( In fact I'm arguing with my boyfriend right now... and I'm quite scared because I've just stood up to him. Oh dear

Advice any body?

Twigs Can Fly and stuff :(

Hazel.

Progress but not?

Hey waifs, been a bit busy recently so I haven't really been able to post. Just a quick update really - slimmers lent is going alright for me, still at 132 lbs but I'm now down to a UK size 8 (US size 4), perhaps this means my fat is becoming muscle? Not sure. I've decided to post my stats anyhow :)

Upper thighs: 54 cms (20.5 inches)

Lower thighs: 40cms (16 inches)

Bum: 95cms (37 inches)

Hips: 85cms (33 inches)

Waist: 67cms (26 inches)

Rib cage: 73cms (28.5 inches)

Bust: 89cms (35 inches)

Shit me. I'm not so happy with those :(

Well I'm going to up my game, so think thin ladies and remember: Twigs Can Fly!

Hazel.

Slimmers Lent!

Okay ladies, this is day one of Slimmers Lent. I'll explain to you:

For the next 40 days we shall be holding a lent of our own, I consider it spiritual but y'all can do it for whatever reasons you want :) Choose as much or as little as you like to give up for the next 40 days; I've chosen meat and chocolate! 

It's as simple as that really, I've made it slightly easier for myself by convincing my mum to do it with me. I've told her it's me supporting her weight loss xD.

Okay this is only a short post, so good luck ladies. And Remember: Twigs Can Fly!

Hazel.

Holy Shit. (in reverse :D)

Haaaa. Shall we commence with a prayer? Even though religion is a pile of bollocks, I think you'll like it :D :

Dear God,

Thanks for planting the idea of fasting into the heads of us many unsuspecting waifs-to-be. 

Amen. :)

Fasting today and over the course of the day I have managed to drop down to 132 lbs. Wahey :D Hopefully by tomorrow I'll be back down to my loverly 130lbs lowest weight in two years, gosh. Things are on the up ladies!

Any hows, this was only a quick blog as I now have to go and somehow miss dinner :)

Think thin, cause Twigs Really Can Fly!!!

Hazel.

Holy Shit. (the sequel)

Okay... Well miss piggy here weighed herself this morning. 134lbs. I can't believe that the one day slip up has cost me so much :( If I'm not back at 130 by sunday I'm going to seriously bitch fit. Today I shant be eating, but ofc I'm allowing 200 calories j.i.c.  Coaching gymnastics tonight, so hopefully that should aid the loss by a 2lbs right? I'll just make sure I join in a lot. Then theres weights and fitness class after college tomorrow, and friday I'm going to a shisha bar on edgware road of some sort with a few mates. So should be loverly :) Lots of walking.

Maximum output with minimum input.

I haven't gone to college today... I woke up this morning and just couldn't handle it. Yesterday I was in a bit of a state because of Prince's funeral the day before, and my supposedly supportive boyfriend took advantage of me :(   Recently he's been trying to make me do more and more things that I really don't want to do - I just don't know how to say no at the time. There's kind of this other guy as well... let's call him T. T and I have known eachother for 2 years, and he knows a little something about my various problems. He knows that I have a problem with my eating etc; we liked eachother quite a lot, and for quite a while now, but something always managed to get in the way of us. Then I made the mistake of getting a boyfriend. But T and I have been talking more and more, and I can honestly say that he's the only guy I can talk to frankly and honestly without fear of being judged... There's never a problem of awkwardness between us, even when we talk about our feelings for eachother.   GAHH ERGJSNDGJBNFSDLGKBN. Frustration, but now I'm questioning if my relationship with my boyfriend is worth trying to continue. He makes me feel like shit but I'm afraid to leave him. Stuff's so hard when you see someone everyday pretty much.   But I really like T. Argh complicationsss.

Enough about that anyhow. I'm worried that because I'm staying at home a lot today I'm going to be boredom driven to eat. So yeah, slightly worried about that. Any suggestions my girlies?

I had never remembered how disgusting being full felt, and yesterday was just eurgh :( I refuse to let that happen to me again, I just can't let it. On the plus side, people have been commenting about my weight loss... although it's been from my mum and my two aunties, and in a negative (they think) way. Here's how the conversation went:

Mum: You've lost so much weight, Hazel.

Me: Have I? I hadn't really noticed...

Mum: Mm. Well you've lost quite a bit.

Aunty 1: Yeah, you don't have so much padding around your hips anymore. You used to be fuller.

Aunty 2: And your face too, it really shows up on your face. Your bone structure looks harsher.

And so on and so forth... the whole time in my mind I was hysterics xD. My mind:

Mind: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. Oh my, I've lost a stone and you've finally noticed, yet you think it's bad? Mum you sit there eating two chickens to yourself or finishing off everyone elses food, telling me you want to lose weight but you cant cause you have no exercise time, and now YOU'RE criticising ME!?

Mind: Aunty 1, you're a fucking stick any way. You weight about 8 stone... so don't be a hypocrite please :)    And less padding around the hips... that seems like a pretty good thing to me, so thanks for the compliment!

Mind: Aunty 2... You're almost as large as my 15 stone mother... You're about 12 stone. So please don't lecture me about my harsh facial structure when you're disappearing behind a double chin and you cannot for the life of you see your feet when you stand up and look down. I've always found my bones pretty anyhow.

Mind: Guys, I love you lots, but my weight just isn't something y'all can lecture me on :)

I was honestly trying not to burst out laughing! Gosh.

Mm, I haven't really noticed my body change much, apart from my collar bones being much more pronounced, and my ribs showing a lot more. My stomach might be slightly flatter, but my thigs still touch at the top. Oh my, progress is slow.

Well ima blog off, before my post bores you any more than it already has! But fear not, my incessant boredom will lead my back here indefinately :) Think thin ladies, and remember: Twigs Can Fly!

Hazel.

Holy Shit.

Well I just love to ruin everything don't I? :)

Today I decided to go have myself 4 bbq wings and chips. Then straight after I had a beef and onion pastry. And for dinner I had about 300 calories. Oh fuck.

But get this - I weighed myself. 133.6 lbs.   This one mistake has cost me 3.6lbs of progress.

Fuck it - tomorrow I'm fasting.

Think thin ladies, try not to be miss piggy like me. Twigs Can Fly etc etc.

Hazel.

The Joy of Running On Empty...

Is it just me who thrives on the feeling of emptiness? Every time my stomach has cramped up today, I've smiled, because I know that my body is literally eating itself. I love it. I've eating exactly 296 calories today and I don't intend on eating anymore - however I'm not stupidly oblivious to the fact that my mum has cooked, so I'm allowing for another 100 calories tops!

I've been on my feet all day today running around and lifting heavy things, so here's to hoping I've burned off a fair amount :). I've also been thinking a lot today, and I want to apologise for my extremely negative blog yesterday: I just wasn't in the best of moods and that was the only way for me to get it out :( I'm ashamed of myself for it.

On a brighter note, tomorrow is my cousin's wedding and I am bridesmaid. This of course means that from 11am I will be having hair done, being preened etc - leaving no time for food! My plan for the reception is when the food comes, I'll be going to the toilet! I'll also be taking a decent sized handbag so I can slip food into it when no one is looking :)

I'm slightly worried about tomorrow though because turkish weddings are always all about the carbs/fatty meats. Oh gosh. Wish me luck girls!

Well I'ma go off and surf all of your lovely blogs now and then finish reading my book. Note to all: check out "The Invisible Girl" by Peter Barham and Alan Hurndall - it's a bloody fantastic account of how one of the strongest girls ever known was able to restrict her food, look fantastic, and still have a fantastic career :)   Of course it all gets too much at the end and she doesn't live through it (it wouldn't be published otherwise), but it helped me learn a lot :)

Think thin girlies, and remember: Twigs Can Fly :)

Hazel.