Friday, 29 July 2011

High like a kite.

I like ganja. I occasionally like other things. I like the numb feeling during. It's bliss - I'm quietly numb, emotionally paralysed.

Samir made me cry yesterday, not intentionally, it was a wake up call. How I had to stop being silly and move on, and be there for Leyla. And that I needed a plan and to go to uni.

I feel better now, but I've realised many things. I need to grow up and stop being selfish. I have to stop Leyla from becoming what I quickly became.

High like a kite maybe, but my heart's in knots. How did any of this happen?

Monday, 25 July 2011


I literally cannot afford food. It's amazing.

But it's taking so much strength, being right by the tantalising smells of my work colleagues eating.

My body wants it, but my mind knows better.

I need a new job anyway. Some people are making it so difficult to be here, so difficult to be in the relationship I'm in.

Difficult to breathe.