Tuesday, 9 November 2010

This Is What It Has Come To.

I've had to wait to find another suitable computer, because the ones at school don't let me use blogger anymore ): Jacob's in the shower, so I'm blogging till then.

I feel disgusting. Jacob and I just got pretty intimate, and I had to stop him from lifting me against the wardrobe. I'm too heavy. It's all started again; the restriction, the counting, the worrying. The flaunting. I wear tight clothes so that I know how much more progress I need to make. I wear tight clothes so that maybe, just maybe, someone will comment, or look, and I'll feel pretty. 

Jacob tells me I'm pretty sometimes. It's lovely. I just feel like a bitch cause it's never enough. Once, just once I'd like him to tell me I'm beautiful. Maybe I won't even have to prompt him. Cause everyone wants to be told they're beautiful, but most of all, they want to think that the person means it.

Everyday is Elephant Day now. Y'know those days when you walk around and all you can feel is big? Big thighs, big stomach, you can feel them all. Well I've been thinking - from now on, every meal will be breakfast. And I have to ask myself whether or not I really want to break the fast. This'll start tomorrow at college, cause Jacob's mum won't let me leave without eating something.

Please let me know you all are okay? I have skype, and my username is hazelbeanyeah. Feel free to add me so that I know how you all are <3


  1. oh hazel.can i just wrap you in compliments right now because i don't know you, i do! i do, i do! and hazel let me tell you this, you are beautiful. so beautiful. likelihood is that you will not believe me, but i am speaking (okay, i'm typing) the truth.

    i don't have skype, however we are on facebook! but of course you know that already, if you ever need too, you can just message me. i check it a lot.

    love you so much.

  2. i would call you beautiful if i found you in this massive world.
    and im living elephant day everyday too. :/

    stay lovely. <3

  3. you're beautiful, and i adore you, and it's not the same, it's not what you need to hear, but it's true.

    love you my darling turk,

    love bella

    bella loves turk FOREVER


Write away, I promise I'll listen.