Initimacy with Jacob last night and I just couldn't go through with it. Ex boyfriend had called me beforehand for a general conversation, which escalated into jokes about when we were together. Friday would have been our year anniversary, yet I don't regret being with Jacob. At least, I don't think that I do. Why did he have to call and stir everything up? Jacob is the first person that I've ever been with who accepts me for everything, the whole lot. He's the first person that I can actually envisage myself being with for an extrordinarily long time. I think I'll still love him when we're old. Call it dramatic teenage musings, but when I'm with Jacob the voices aren't so loud. It's as if they're subdued. And this makes me happy. Not amazingly happy, not happy for a length of time. But for that moment at least, I don't have to worry about a thing. And I miss that.
Sometimes I wish everything would go absolutely quiet. Just dark and bliss. Do any of you ever feel like this?
I love your writing. I have felt exactly like this before, thank you for putting it into words. Keep your chin up, things will get easier. This jacob sounds like a great guy, don't let an Ex get in the way if you really love him.
ReplyDeleteStay strong girlie.
its such an odd feeling isn't it? its like you're broken up, you're supposed to be done and over, yet your so completely not. you'll always have that connection, you'll always love him. Sometimes its a confusing, inbetween feeling, but other times its really peaceful. hmm.
ReplyDeleteYOU DESERVE IT! YOU DESERVE TO FEEL HAPPY! YOU ARE WORTH IT!
ReplyDeleteand yes, i feel like that too. all of the time.