Monday, 10 January 2011

Falling Apart.

I've dropped a shitload of weight pretty damn quick. I just threw up a massive roast dinner (800 calories), and everything is wrong wrong wrong. I feel fat. Ha that's an understatement.

Now it's like instead of hunger I have to feed this hunger with sexual feelings. I fucked a guy called P, and I'm somehow bent on making him my fuckbuddy. I also got carried home and felt up by a random guy, at that party the other night. 

I can feel my ribs tight against my skin, yet I can also feel this stomach I have. Swollen, massive. Full. I can feel my thighs rubbing at the very top. I can feel eyes staring in to the back of my head, everyone watching me. Knowing that I'm making all the wrong moves. 

But then also the thrill of knowing I can make them all attracted to me. Blindingly lustful after me. And I will. 

This is all so wrong.


  1. That's such a common thing with eating disorders, though. Just be careful . . .

  2. i strangely know how youre feeling.
    i hope you stay strong... and sane, although thats not the right world.


  3. Replacing one craving for another is a common thing, that's true.

    That 2nd last paragraph reflects how I feel sometimes, I want to make them all feel attracted to and want me. I want them to lust over me.

    Please be careful with how you view yourself, like you said you've lost a lot of weight.

    Much love

  4. hey, hows ur grandad? I'm sorry about what going on in your life but you know you always have us to talk to :) we are all here for you. Be brave hun.

  5. i think that's called 'being a slag' my dear. u have a terrible attitude for a young girl. fix up b4 ur social life kills you x


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