CLICK HERE FOR BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND MYSPACE LAYOUTS »

Monday 10 January 2011

Falling Apart.

I've dropped a shitload of weight pretty damn quick. I just threw up a massive roast dinner (800 calories), and everything is wrong wrong wrong. I feel fat. Ha that's an understatement.

Now it's like instead of hunger I have to feed this hunger with sexual feelings. I fucked a guy called P, and I'm somehow bent on making him my fuckbuddy. I also got carried home and felt up by a random guy, at that party the other night. 

I can feel my ribs tight against my skin, yet I can also feel this stomach I have. Swollen, massive. Full. I can feel my thighs rubbing at the very top. I can feel eyes staring in to the back of my head, everyone watching me. Knowing that I'm making all the wrong moves. 

But then also the thrill of knowing I can make them all attracted to me. Blindingly lustful after me. And I will. 

This is all so wrong.

5 comments:

  1. That's such a common thing with eating disorders, though. Just be careful . . .

    ReplyDelete
  2. i strangely know how youre feeling.
    i hope you stay strong... and sane, although thats not the right world.

    <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. Replacing one craving for another is a common thing, that's true.

    That 2nd last paragraph reflects how I feel sometimes, I want to make them all feel attracted to and want me. I want them to lust over me.

    Please be careful with how you view yourself, like you said you've lost a lot of weight.

    Much love
    Xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. hey, hows ur grandad? I'm sorry about what going on in your life but you know you always have us to talk to :) we are all here for you. Be brave hun.

    ReplyDelete
  5. i think that's called 'being a slag' my dear. u have a terrible attitude for a young girl. fix up b4 ur social life kills you x

    ReplyDelete

Write away, I promise I'll listen.