Monday, 26 September 2011


Oh Hazel, they say. Oh how lovely it is to see you looking healthy again. You aren't the bag of bones you used to be. Your eyes are now full of life instead of sunken circles. Your face is fuller now, you look so much better they cry.

I know this is a good thing. My body is better. I make myself eat. I try not to worry when I eat.

But my mind is torn. In the back of my head I still tell myself I should be punished for eating. I still feel I need to excercise like mad. But I don't. Because I know that if I do, she will start winning again.

And as much as I want to be thin, I don't want to fall victim to the disease. It's been a month or so since I threw up, longer since I've used laxatives.

I'm at a crossroads, but I want to take the right path. I have to.


  1. Good for you. Recovery is another kind of strength, and it takes a lot. Be proud. :)

  2. I've been to that point. But I could just never actually recover. I've never been completely ready but I feel like I will be at some point in the future. Just take things in stride and do what feels right to you.

  3. Eating when everything in you tells you not to is really difficult so don't forget how strong you are for doing this.

    I know it's tough but being 'healthy' is better than the constant battle and self hatred.

  4. You are so inspiring ;) <3 <3 <3
    The way you use words is beautiful, it really sinks in.


Write away, I promise I'll listen.