Thursday, 8 July 2010


I spent Tuesday night sleeping on a bench outside my college. Interesting eh? I couldn't stay at home, I just couldn't. Then at 5am my ex boyfriend called me, told me to go there and I could sleep and shower. I did precisely that, sort of.

I got to his house, pushed past him, said hi to his dad then collapsed into the bed and slept. Lol, he had to move me out of the way so that he could get to sleep. When I woke up, we were spooning - I turned around and got beautiful kiss (: It was lovely. Only it didn't really stop there. We ended up having sex, then falling asleep, then having sex again.

Fuck my life? Well then I stole his shower, we went to college (late), where I proceeded to once again fall asleep in the back room of the common room. I went to fuck all lessons, then I went to work two jobs. Fun times.

And I am 136lbs. This disgusting cycle of binge, laxatives, shit, binge, laxatives, shit is horrible. I hate it. I've been feeling so wound up by anything, everything. I snuck out the house because of this whole thing to do with my dad and a fucking park bench is my saviour. I also punched a wall yesterday and left a lovely big hole in it. Epic.

So right now, life isn't an option. Understand?


  1. life not being an option ...i understand that. i feel the same.



  2. What my therapist once told me
    "In a my years, dying has only left the people alive to suffer more."
    I know how you feel.
    Stay strong. It's hard but try to keep that chin up. I'm cheering you on.

  3. i'm sorry, love. hang in there. i feel like i could use the amount of sleep you've gotten recently.

  4. i love love LOVE your blog! i also have read your comments and you are so encouraging despite how you feel!
    im so sorry you feel so shitty. don't give up its going to be worth it!

  5. Hi beautiful, I love your blog as well (just like rachel said, she's a bad ass chick btw - check out her blog if you have a chance)
    I have been known to go on similar cycles, but things get better.
    you can do this and you will!!
    hang tight and it'll all work out.
    <3 <3


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