Friday, 12 March 2010

It hurt... But I'm happy (:

Well I'm no longer a virgin, as of about 4pm today ^.^

It was special, I felt... pretty. Am I allowed to feel pretty? I ate a lot today, because I feel pretty, and because I think I'm allowed to let myself keep feeling pretty once in a while. I know I'm going to cry tomorrow because of the numbers, but at the moment I'm just trying to keep feeling pretty. "Like a supermodel, just healthy." That's how my friend Tim described me, bless him - I'm not sure whether to recoil or feel flattered!

I guess I've eaten around 1500 calories? I feel full, but that's okay. Just for today, I'm allowed (:  I feel strange - happy, but calm. Like nothing else matters. But I also feel sad. Because I know I'm not allowed to feel like this much longer. Especially not tomorrow. Tomorrow'll be 4 months since Prince died. Remember Prince? I told you all about him. <3 Prince... But I really miss him.
I still can't get rid of those memories - seeing him in the coffin, seeing him not looking like how he should. Supporting everyone else round, trying not to fall apart myself. Watching his mum hold him. Me reaching out to touch him. But maybe he's in a better place?

Yes my dears, recently I've been thinking about God. I'm a fully fledged atheist. But recently I've been thinking... What if?

Lots of love, 

A happily bloated Hazel.


  1. aah but are you really an atheist? maybe you just though you were when really your agnostic which is when there is insufficient evidence to make you believe either way meaning you dont know lol

    i used to be so against god but then i studied philosophy really changed my thinking

    glad your feeling pretty thats awesome x

  2. I'm happy for you! :) That's awesome, and you deserve to feel pretty.
    I'm sorry about Prince; I'm an atheist as well, but maybe he is in a better place.

    Glad you're happy, hope you continue to feel like this :]


  3. Don't feel bad about those calories. You are having a pretty day, and pretty day you shall have.

    I know how what you mean about feeling pretty after sexual encounters. You feel pretty, important, sexy and loved. It's nice.


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