Wednesday, 16 June 2010

Aerosmith (:

I think that (just possibley), being in arms reach of Steven Tyler made me very happy last night. For a moment it even lets me fool myself into thinking that the patty, sandwich, packet of crisps, handful of maltesers and the beer I had were excusable because I was jumping around for three hours.

I met a girl called Emma yesterday, and I've decided that I want to be just like her, because she does what she wants to do and she doesn't let things get in her way. Example: she came to see Aerosmith by herself. Example: she quit her degree two years in because she finally accepted that it wasn't something that she wanted to be doing with her life.

So I've started to take her approach - and goddamn it I'm going to be happy if it's the last thing I do. If it means going to concerts myself, or changing all of my A levels to what I want to do, or telling my mum exactly what I think of her - I'm going to do it. That's a promise to myself really.

I have a feeling that this is going to be a long ass post, because I feel like I'm turning over a new leaf, and I have a fair amount that I really need to get off my chest. Ex boyfriend just walked past me, and didn't say a word. I don't think he quite understands that seeing him every day is something that tears me to pieces. I can't keep kissing him, sleeping with him. I can't be held by him. Because even though it's something I long for, it's something that would hurt too much to have. We've been through too much I guess.

I need to start writing my letters today, I'm not completely sure when "parent" or "person who has hurt you the most" comes up, but that's going to be a fucking long ass letter. The hardest to write will be to the ex, but by far the most painful will be to my dad. He knows I won't talk to him because of the drugs and abandoning us when my mum needed him most. And I think he knows that it's going to be that way for a long time. Melodramatic teenager perhaps, or jut using fucking common sense.

1 comment:

  1. using common sense. that is what i think.
    i like that approach.
    i'm just not brave enough yet.


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