Gah?

So today I described feeling like I'm falling, but as of this moment I'm feeling strangely optimistic. I think it might just be the fact that I've fallen well and truly in love with my boyfriend. I've always loved him, but now I'm actually in love with him. And I like the feeling.

Yet on the flip side, I know for a fact that I'm currently more that willing to starve, purge and fast my way back to 127lbs and lower. It's going to happen. I've had around 900 calories today, and this is by not actively trying to restrict. I've just gone back off of food. After days of binging every night - I don't want to eat, the very idea repulses me. I weighed 136lbs this morning, and having just weighed myself I'm the exact same. No change. 

So there's hope.

There's hope for all of us.