Purge

Well it happened.

Yesterday I was car sick, had eaten only a yoghurt, but because of the journey I threw up everything including the night before's salad. WAHEY. Got to a hotel, ate another salad at around 9/10ish. I went to the shower, and whilst I was showering I stuck my fingers down my throat and got rid of as much of that salad as I could.

Which was not much, if you were wondering. About a quarter of it.

Was going to purge again this morning. 1 hashbrown, 1 piece of bacon and two sausages. Eaten systematically so that I knew that once the hasbrown came up, I was done. Started purging, talked myself out of it.

Binged at lunch. TGI Friday's. Went to the toilet to throw it up, someone else was there. So I'm about to go and do a nice big poo instead.

Haven't had a cigarette since fucking, tuesday.



I'm scared.

I've abused laxatives, ephedrine, I've make myself throw up. It makes me wonder "what's next". When's it going to stop.


I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Hazel.