Okay forget just doing the shorter post, I'm losing my marbles I'm sure of fit.
My hands aren't working properly, typing is taking all the energy out of me. I have a splitting headache and my eyes hurt. Yes my eyes hurt. For all those who haven't realised, this is going to be an extremely whiney post. Be warned.
I have a shitload of homework to do for Philsosophy, but my mind has switched itself off and refuses to cooperate. I also have a hell of a lot of christmas cards to personalise - which I'm failing at. But I'm not giving in to hunger. I cannot give in to hunger. I am 130lbs, and tomorrow when I wake up in the morning I will have broken the 120s, if not I will take a break from ABC and fast untill I hit 125. This is mind over matter. My mind will succeed.
I have to break up with my boyfriend - it isn't even a question of wanting to be with anybody else... He's draining me. And when you're single you can be friends with whoever you like without anybody questioning your motives. Yesterday was exactly a month since Prince died, yet people still talk at me thinking that I have desensitised myself. I haven't.
I still haven't self harmed. It's not that I refuse to, because I believe that it will happen sooner if not later, but it's the fact that I'm bottling it all up until I explode. I will explode at some point, and I'm direly worried about the results. Though luckily enough for me it shall not be a binge, I'll make sure of that.
I've found some pills with an almost laxative effect. They're vitamins from Boots which you're supposed to dissolved in water then drink, but I've been putting small bits in my mouth, dissolving them with my saliva, then swallowing them. The gas builds up inside your stomach and then forces out a poo (loll :D). You end up with a stomach ache for about 5 minutes, and a slight headache, but that goes away pretty quickly. Yayy :)
Gosh I'm running out of steam, this isn't much of a rant really now is it? I suppose the real reason why I'm blogging all of this would be to keep me out of the kitchen... I can't fail this, I want to be skinny for the new year - I want to be a Twig :) Argh, I have a headache. I'm slightly worried about my will power on the days which I'll have to fast :S But hopefully the fact that my UK10 (US6) drainpipes are now fitting more like very loose skinnies will help drive me forward.
I reckon I'll put my measurement up again soon, I'm aiming for a nice big loss! I know: I'll put them up after the first day fast of ABC is completed - least then I can expect a pretty decent -inch!
Ho hum, what to do now? It's the boredom which causes me to eat more than I'm supposed to really... I need more will power. If any of y'all want to swap msn/email addresses let me know? I don't think I can do this by myself :(
Think thin ladies, Twigs Can Fly :)
By the sounds of it, I agree, you need to break up with your boyfriend. If your not happy with him, is it really worth the effort?
ReplyDeleteYou will succeed. Don't give in. It will pay off I promise.
Stay strong love x
Oh, just read your comment :)
ReplyDeleteI'll deffinately get some vitamin suppliments, thanks a lot.
I'm actually 5"2 to about 5"3. Your quite tall :)
Think thin x